Be careful what you wish for

Life throws you some curveballs sometimes. Now that I'm spending so much time in darkened rooms watching weird films I'm beginning to question my desire for the task. Film reviewer - that's the dream right? The thing is, when you turn something you love into a job, it becomes a JOB. Ew. All of a sudden, instead of putting on pants and walking to the subway to make it to a screening in time, I really just want to stay at home. But then I'm overwhelmed with guilt for being so ungrateful for the opportunity. So I go and wait patiently in the lobby with what are becoming the same old faces of old, obnoxious film critics that loudly extol the virtues of this and the value of that. It's impossible not to eavesdrop partly out of curiosity and the need to validate my own opinion but mostly because I can't hear anything else over the din. One guy announced that all British films should have subtitles for American audiences. British films, as in spoken in the Queen's English. I found out through one of these diatribes that I'm attending these screenings in the company of critic royalty. The problem is, this guy is 75 and seems to have lost his grip on reality. Sure, use your 50+ years of knowledge and experience to inform your criticism, but your opinion doesn't matter all that much if it doesn't consider changing worldviews. Newsflash! It's not really OK to slander ethnic minorities. It's really given me cause to wonder about the nature of reviews and how to frame my judgments. I suppose it depends on who you write for. It's my never-ending battle between the popular and the academic parts of my brain.

BUT - I will continue to give it a chance. I'm trying hard everyday to expand my list of contacts so I can score invites to some of the bigger releases. My soul is suffering a little this week from so many dark arthouse films. I need to go and see Real Steel just to relieve my heavy heart.

Between NYFF and regular screenings this is what I've seen this week:

Blackthorn
Trespass
The Skin I Live In
Martha Marcy May Marlene
Carnage
A Dangerous Method
London Boulevard
Drive

I have My Week with Marilyn tomorrow and Texas Killing Fields (sounds pleasant) and then Comic-Con start son Thursday!!!